Insane

Insane. That's a word I often use to describe my life. I think it's a good word because it's not a constant positive or negative term. Just a word used to describe something deep, something challenging, something awesome, or something that suggests it will take hard work to accomplish.

Today I am sitting on my back porch, praising God in my head for the slight breeze that's making our humid weather much more tolerable. My head is trying to calculate multiple scenarios for my life, but my heart keeps telling my head to be still. I can hear the Holy Spirit continuously telling me to just be still and let God! "I'm trying, I'm trying" I keep telling myself. But I have no answers. I just want some simple answers and then I can go about my day. But they're not coming. They're not coming. Nothing. I have the most random thoughts, but no way to bridge those thoughts with the ability to do them.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 

Philippians 2:4

All I know is I want to do something big for God. Something huge! Something worth repeating, something worth remembering, something worth talking about, something worth trying to top! But why? Why has the opportunity to do something so big for God been on my heart for so many years? Since I was 9. Is it truly for God, or is it for my name's sake? I'd like to think that it really is because I have this insane desire to tell this insane world of a God whose love for them is insane! I love people. God gave me a heart for people. I would like nothing more than to love them to Christ. Isn't that what we're called to do? I want people to understand Who God is, and accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. I truly do.

 And He personally bore our sins in His own body on the cross, so that we might be dead to sin and be alive to all that is good.  
1 Peter 2:24a

I have been in the spotlight enough times to know that I would much rather give God the glory of His works fulfilled than toot my own horn. I love to share awesome things God has done for my family and I, because I believe it shows people how gracious and how faithful He is. But is that the only reason I like to share? Am I sure there's not something else I hope to gain from sharing? Like status? Recognition? Approval? I would like to say absolutely not, but I know that's not true. I do pray, however, that I would be able to get to a place in my walk with God where I never even consider me. Not even for a moment. Where I can speak, write, lead, tell, and encourage others by telling them what God has done, and plans to do. It's not about me, and it never has been.

  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have put to death their human nature, with all its passions   and desires. 
Galatians 5:24

I know with everything in me that I have been called to serve and love God by serving and loving others. In Mark 12 when Jesus was asked which one of His commandments was the most important, He replied "The most important one is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." I plan to serve and love people to Christ for the rest of my life. If God sees fit to allow me some unbelievable opportunities to do so, I will be forever grateful. I will serve Him with gladness and seek first His kingdom in all of it.

 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you…” 

       John 15:12

I'm praying right now that He will continue to use me. I am ready. I am willing. I will go. Lead me Lord, I will follow. I surrender ALL.   <3

  Then He said to them all: "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it."

Luke 9:23-24